The Horseshoe
by Bugs 'n' Bunny
Summary: Harry Potter/Twilight crossover with Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Bugs, Bunny and Bert in a bar. Its going to be one wild night! Who is getting married? Who is getting top-less? Who is hooking up with who? And who is bar dancing?


_**A.N. - Here's our parody crossover 'The Horseshoe'. It's not to taken too seriously, and we mean no offence to any fans as we adore both books/films!!! There also might be a few surprise guests…**_

The Horseshoe

It was a cold and stormy Friday night. The Horseshoe was full of several unusual groups of beings.

"Order, order, order!" Lord Voldermort cried to his Death Eaters as they sat in the far corner of the bar. He banged his gavel on the table and the Death eaters looked up at their Lord's nose-less face. "First order of business is this pesky Order of the Phoenix."

"How did they get that name, Order of the Phoenix? What is a Phoenix anyhow?" said a drunken Goyle.

"A Phoenix is one of those half Dragon, half fire ball things," answered Crabbe.

"Incorrect, a Phoenix is a very rare…" Snape began.

"No, no, no!" Voldermort yelled. "This is all wrong!" He looked around at his group of followers. "Wait, where's Bella?"

"Well you see," said Lucius, "she met this guy…"

"What?" exclaimed Voldy. "I thought she was still mourning Rodolphus?"

"He did die two years ago from that tragic incident with the penguin," said a mysterious Death Eater who had always been there, but no one had ever learnt his name.

"I don't care! It's an outrage! Who's she seeing, anyway?" asked Voldy.

The Death Eaters giggled in a slightly feminine manner. "Johnny Depp," sighed Snape, as his head tilted to one side and he let out a little drool.

"Who?" said Voldy.

The Death Eaters gasped. "Oh no he didn't!" said Snape, waggling his finger and swaying his head.

"What?" said Voldy. "Who's Johnny Depp?"

"He's an actor," explained Lucius.

"A hot actor," added Snape.

"He was in Pirates of the Caribbean. He played the pirate."

"The hot pirate."

"He also played a serial murderer…"

"A hot serial murderer."

"…and a bank robber."

"A hot bank robber."

"Is he pure blood?" asked Voldy.

The Death Eaters all looked away awkwardly.

"IS HE?"

"Muggle," murmured Lucius.

"Hot muggle," whispered Snape.

"Gah!" cried Voldy. "He's not good enough for my Bella!"

Across the bar, Isabella Swan looked up from her orange juice. "I'm sure someone just said my name again."

"Different Bella," smiled Edward quietly.

At this table sat a group almost as unusual as the last. They were a group of vampires who were all shimmering slightly under the bright disco lights. Except for two: one was a human girl of about seventeen, and the other was a tall, dreamy wolf-boy, who was wearing a tight buttoned up coat. [_Bugs has a strange obsession with said wolf-boy. Bunny apologizes._]

At the next table sat three magical people, one of whom had pink hair. She was holding the hand of a ragged older man, who had a certain air of the wolf about him. Next to him sat the one and only Sirius Black, hot, sexy, man-God. He was checking out the shiny blonde at the next table.

"Man she's hot, I'd like some of that." As the words came out of Sirius' mouth, he could have sworn that a big guy, who was sat next to the blonde, growled.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Padfoot," said Remus.

"Since you've got a girl you've gone all boring," moaned Sirius, receiving a dangerous look from Tonks. "No offence to you, my beautiful beauty of a cousin."

"Sure, sure," said Tonks. "I'll go get us another round." As she walked to the bar, she waved at the next table where Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Fred and George Weasley, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood sat.

"I've got a feeling that tonight's going to be a strange night," frowned Harry.

"What are you on about, Harry?" asked Ron.

"I just know," said Harry. "My scar-senses are tingling."

"Calm down, everything's fine!" soothed Ginny. "Come on, what do you think? Voldemort's going to be sat on the other side of the same bar as us on the same night we decide to come here?"

"It's an outrage," said Lord Voldy, still ranting about Bella's date with a muggle. "No matter how _hot_ he is, he is a muggle and not good enough for my Bella!"

"Your Bella?" asked Lucius.

Just as Voldy began to splutter his excuse, a man with long hair, dark glasses and a jaunty hat entered the bar. He then paused to hold the door open for a black-haired beauty wearing long black robes and holding a long, brown stick of wood. The handsome hat-wearer walked the woman to where the Death Eaters were sat at the back, on the right-hand side of the horseshoe-shaped bar.

"Goodnight pretty lady," smiled Johnny, tipping his hat in a classy, dreamy, hot, sexy way, before leaning in and kissing her deeply on the mouth.

Voldemort snarled at this and crossed his arms furiously. All the other Death Eaters backed away a little, not wanting to feel the wrath of the almighty He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-But-Is-Anyway-Cause-Nobody-Really-Cares-But-At-Least-No-One-Had-Caught-On-To-Calling-Him-Tom-Like-That-Old-Bearded-Gentleman-Named-Albus-Percival-Wulfric-Brian-Dumbledore-That-Would-Have-Made-The-Dark-Lord-A-Little-Mad.

As Johnny walked away, Bellatrix sat and gave a thoroughly satisfied sigh. Johnny was about to leave the pub when he saw his best friend Tim Burton and his life partner Helena Bonham Carter (_Sorry, Bunny is in love with Helena, but Johnny is OURS_).

"Hi Guys," Johnny smiled as he went over to his two friends.

"Hey Johnny," Tim greeted. "Didn't think I'd see you here."

"Just dropping off a friend," Johnny said.

"Oh, a 'friend', Johnny?" Helena said, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, for now anyway," Johnny said as he sat down.

_**A.N. - We hope you enjoyed this!! Remember: review, review, review!!!**_

_**Hey, now as you have read to the end of the first chapter, we would like to reward you with a quiz, just three small questions you can answer in your review.**_

_**1. In twilight are you team Edward or team Jacob?**_

_**2 What is your music style?**_

_**3. What unusual paring would you like to see in our fic?**_

_**Bugs' answers**_

_**1. If I had to pick one it would be Jacob (sorry Bunny) I have never forgiven Edward for just leaving Bella!!!! And did you see Jake in new moon Topless! Talk about hot wolf! I love Harry potter world anyway!**_

_**2. Rock/Indie if I must be labelled. **_

_**3. Johnny and I. Me and Sirius. Helena and Bellatrix Helatrix. Alice and Voldy. **_

_**Bunny's answers**_

_**1. Team Edward**_

_**2. Country music **_

_**3. Edward Cullen/Johnny Depp **_

_**Thanks for reading **_

_**Love you**_

_**Bugs and Bunny**_

_**REVIEW!**_


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